Slowin it downnnnnnn

Since Wednesday, I've woke daily with a hangover. Who woulda known turkey would bring out that inner alcoholic that I so desperately repress. I got it though, I just wish I had less gin and more of that fucking TURKEY. Oh shit, that turkey "was bangin". I'm one of those weird people who could eat thanksgiving food daily and be okay with it. Some people get tired of leftovers around this time, but not me =).

The fucking dryer broke. Like, broke-broke this time. I hate living here.

I'm about to go get ready for work people, keep reading, and thanks for coming out.

Po Pimpin.

$125.08 is your available balance as of 11/28/2008

I'm broke, y'all.

I wanted to get many things this "Black Friday". I just...can't. Keep in mind I have to pay rent, and I forgot AGAIN to get my check.

I've decided to get my shit together. Handlin personal business and taking care of the one area of my life that, for the past 8 years, I haven't been able to handle well. Why I didn't decide this sooner, I don't know.


I need some boots, snow is coming. And a Carhartt Jacket. Carhartts are the warmest shits in the world, Craig.



This one here.


I GLUTTONED yesterday, shamelessly. Got it in, the likes of which should be illegal. I had some illy sex with this turkey, and go some head from these mashed potatoes. Green Bean casserole, cranberry sauce, and mac and cheese....

okay I'm about to handle these leftovers. Talkin about this shit is gettin me hungry.

8-4.

Good night.

God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen

My brother and I would always watch Mr.Bean on PBS. One of my favourite scenes from the show.

Merry Xmas

Why am I awake?/ Xmas 2008

I apologize for gettin mad personal, it was brought to my attention. I'll try to keep it down?


On another note, one of my favourite sites, which hasnt posted in a while, popped into my head this morning. I once shared a few of their funny shit with a few people but never posted about it myself. www.aidsvertising.com
Now they tend to O.D on some, but others are just HILARIOUS.

Christmas wish list time, blisatches:




A race car bed. How pimp were these? Im sure if I could find a queen sized bentley or something, I'd be the man. Then again, fuckin in the backseat almost always guarantees you a child (not like I'm fuckin anyway).







It's been brought to my attention that I'm going bald. Women this is like someone telling you that you've gained weight. And your tits are shrinking. All in one. You really want to hurt a mans feelings, attack his hair and say its thinning, he's going bald, something of that sort. Someone get me the rogaine superultradeluxe package.








Anyone who knows anything about me knows how I feel about the song, Christmas Time is Here. You'll also know that I have an obsession with Vince Guaraldi, the composer for all of the Peanuts/Charlie Brown movies. Dude has a few albums he did with the Vince Guaraldi Trio, and a christmas album he did WITHOUT the choir singin. I can't find the christmas songs without the kids but i know they exist. I remember hearing them on Canadian radio when I was at Western Market with my dad.








Now this is just funny.









Last but not least, the beer belt. I would like this beer belt for obvious reasons. I'd be the coolest mofo in the land if I could reach onto my Dark Knight-esque belt and pull off a can of Bud Light or two. The mami's would be on me and the bro's would praise me, but most of all, I'd be too drunk to care.

Mind wandering

let me stage this thought process for you: I'm taking a shit and I get up and wash my hands, and look in the mirror. For some strange, and purely bizarre reason I expected to see a 12 year old me in the mirror and was fully disappointed when I saw the 22 year old staring back. Not that I'm disappointed in myself, but I was really looking forward to being 12 for that instant.

When I was 12, My mom decided to leave my dad. She packed up my 3 brothers and I and we went down to Indianapolis for the family reunion. Now its not that my father wasn't welcomed, he just didnt come. We came back and stayed with my uncle instead of going back home. My older brother and I were locked in his house on Blackstone. He knew what was going on and assumed I did as well. I didn't. I knew we weren't at home and all I wanted to do was go and lay in my bed. We had my uncle's sega genesis and Madden 97, which I completely sucked at playing, at our disposal. My mother would go to work and my uncle would do the same. This happened for 3 days until we packed up her burgundy Cutlass Supreme and drove, again, not to the place I knew as home.
We ended up in Pontiac, Michigan in a place I'd never been to, and never heard of until then. It was a domestic abuse center for women called Haven. I had no clue as to why I was here or when I'd be able to go home. It was foreign, and I was frightened. I hadn't seen my father in a week and I just wanted to know when I'd be able to go home. School was starting back and all of my clothes were there, my notebooks full of poetry, short stories, and random thoughts, and secret stuff I didn't want my parents to know about was hidden all around that house.
Haven was hell. I was 12 so there wasnt much I could do. I had a curfew, I had to go to certain classes and seminars with children who also couldn't grasp what was happening. I didn't fully have a hold on what was happening because, to be honest, I wasn't made aware of the situation at hand. The other children didn't know what was happening and couldn't understand why, and I pitied them. I just wanted to go outside and play on the wood chips.
There's not much I remember about being in Haven. I remember helping a woman with her bags and she gave me a food stamp instead of a dollar. That was the first time I saw a food stamp. It was white and brown, and I had no clue how to react to this act of generosity.
I also remember being on the back porch watching Jerry springer while this one woman did this girls hair. She braided ferociously with a cigarette in her hand. Bad move, the girls hair caught on fire. I laughed and ran down the hallway to tell my brother, who would surely get a kick out of it.
I remember one boy who was the only child more afraid than I. His name is Julian. He wore glasses and was very short, and was a year younger than I. He hated his name, and was very reclusive. He was my friend in that circus.
I remember his sister, who was 2 years older than I. I thought she was the cutest girl in the world. I was very shy at the time, and I avoided her at all costs.
I remember waking up and having to pee, and walking dead into a stall where a woman was peeing with the door open. That was funny.
Lastly I remember two more things: One was my mother weeping, wondering what we were going to do after the 30 days was up. She was searching desperately for a place to live, and wondered if she'd be able to find one. Ive never felt so helpless in my life.
The other thing was when Fox 2 news came to Haven. They did a report on the woman across the hall, Madonna. She was a very large black woman who reminded me of my mother, both in size and looks, and in raw gumption and determination. She had been beaten and left for dead by her spouse. I remember she was interviewed and we all watched it from another room on the 11 oclock news. Her face and voice had been changed, but her story was resounding. After hearing madonnas story, the severity of the situation hit me with tremendous force..

Suck me sexy.

Jackie Moon - Love me sexy


Will Ferrell may not be one of the most diverse or superior actors/comedians, but anyone who says the dude isnt funny is a functional retard.


I'm listening to Kanye West - RoboCop from his new album, "808's and Heartbreak". No it's not released yet, but of course I have it. C'mon now, i'm is a n3rD omgnowai. I love the production on this song, though I do sometiems listen to the album and think to myself, "This muhfucka dun lost all his marbles". Even though he's a rapper and he needs to sell albums to be considered successful, there are some things that are more important than another persons view of success. Personally I'm not too sure as to how i feel about the direction he went on this album, but hey.
Sometimes when you're the most genuine you'll find out not a lot of people like you.

Superstition

i dunno if i spelled superstition right. So every sunday on my way to work, I always listen to the same song between the Greenbelt and College Park stations. Every sunday. Since i've had the song on my iPod.
Its a song I still haven't figured out, but I love it nonetheless.

enjoy



Also download Aqualung - Brighter than Sunshine.
another gem.

The shoe.

I was walking home from coppin a pack of cigarettes (not for me, technically)and this caught my eye. It was laying in the street. I immediately imagined two scenarios
One was a girl who had a doll, and whos bitch of a mother didn't care that her favourite dolly, Maria, had lost her left heel. She cried on the bus because her doll was in imperfect, and her mother stared blankly ahead, shushing the weeping toddler.

The second scenario was there had been some 6 inch tall vixen who was forced to wear the latest fashions in Mattel, and she'd been stalking me. She was beautiful, smarter than anyone could imagine someone with the brain the size of a starburst would be. She was terribly shy and really wanted to tell me how she'd been watching me wander and that she found herself falling for a man almost 10 times her height. I'd found her shoe and now we were playing this real life Cinderella.

I like the latter of the two explanations. It's less disappointing.

So my mini-love, if you're one of the few who reads this, let me know about our love affair. I'll return your shoe if you're ready to take this to the next level.

click for more

See the Goose poo?


It's so cold in the D.

Stinkin Lincoln. 4 score and blah blah blah. Little known fact: This scultpure of Abe is made to scale. Lincoln was 3290 feet tall.
Blur

Moar goose poos.


This picture of the reflecting pool is so dope, i HAD to fuck it up.



nice huh...



overall i'd say a good day

That McNugget Lovin...wtf?

BET, MTV, and MCD. Takin blacks back, one day at a time.



Also I've been thinking. New Years is coming, quickly. Fuck Christmas. New Years is what I'm most concerned about. Last year was ok. This year I'm a bit uneasy about spending it without a chick on my arm. You got a lady, wait until the ball drops to drop her. That stroke of midnight may change your mind.

Renaissance

Wednesday, November 21st, 2007.

I was in South Hadley, MA thinking about what I was going to do for Thanksgiving. I didn't have the money to go home, but I really wanted to go. My girlfriend at the time also wanted to go home, but didn't. We spent our Thanksgiving together in an on-campus house. I wore a dirty shirt, as I hadn't done laundry in the month I'd been there. Tonight, I'd sleep on the floor undoubtedly. Not because I had any problem with my then girlfriend, but because I was 270 lbs and the cot we shared wasn't large enough.

I spent that morning watching Swingers. After the movie, I tried my hand at Super Mario brothers for the Wii. She bought it for me, and I played it daily. We turned the T.V off and went grocery shopping for the next days dinner. I was scared as to how much money I'd spend. I came to South Hadley with about 600 dollars, and quickly depleted that. Groceries are not cheap, and the amount left on my pre-paid greendot card was about $150.
We got into Solange's wagon and headed to Big Y, and she told us about her latest encounter with Juan. I sat quietly in the back, and chuckled when jokes were told.
After purchasing two cornish hens, a plethora of ingredients for some shit called "Eggplant Rawk" we loaded up the wagon and left. It was ridiculously cold that day.

I was unemployed and constantly feeling obtrusive. I had nothing to offer except love and dick, and one of the two I wasn't good at. Maybe even both. I had no phone, I'd alienated all of my hometown friends and family, and with the exception of a woman who frequently called to inform me about Jesus, I heard nothing from the people back home.
I was surrounded by tons of women menstruating at the same time, and who all thought I was an unshaven burden.
I was happy.

Fast forward two months, January 2008. I'd moved back to Detroit, and I recently acquired a brand new ex-girlfriend, due mainly to my omnipresence. I'd smothered her, and I knew it was ending which was the worst part. As she had finally had her fill, I was just becoming comfortable with the fact that I'd fallen for someone, something I didn't anticipate.
I had to go back to work, I couldn't stay with my mother. I didn't want to, not just because I was a 21 year old man and needed my own space. I just felt belabored with countless responsibilities that weren't supposed to be mine. I have 3 younger brothers and a father fresh out of rehab. I, selfishly and understandably, wanted to step away from the role of father. I didn't even know how to be a big brother, which bothered me.

Click here

I lost many friends and family members, who felt I left the city to chase some woman, which was exactly what I did. I felt if they were truly my friend, they'd understand that if I failed, then it was my failure and they'd be there to say "I told you so, now let me help you up". Instead I didn't even get an "I told you so" from half of them. No words. Nothing.

Overall I felt, for lack of a better term, like shit. I began drinking, heavily and nightly. I was hurt and I began to investigate the problem. For some reason, I felt like I had failed everyone and I began to look in the mirror and assess my own problems. Who was I? Why was everything falling apart? I felt that if everyone had a problem, it couldn't possibly be everyone else. It had to be me.
I ran, miles and miles away. 600 miles away. I felt like I should go someplace where no one knew me, and I could adopt any persona I wanted. I wasn't happy as me, and I needed to be a better me. I could be happier without my family and my friends, who didn't accept my decisions and viewed them as mistakes, as opposed to life lessons. I could escape them and have that life that I wanted, and thats exactly what I did.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008.
I was on my way to D.C Ink on U st. I wanted to get a tattoo. I'd thought long and hard about what I wanted. So many people have so many different things, and a tattoo is a permanent thing. There's no backspace button on your skin, so I had to be sure of where and what i wanted. I began to think, there were many tattoo ideas I had before. Some funny, some quite serious.
I saw this ambigramm that said Life one way, and Love the other way. I knew it was what I wanted. I immediately knew I wanted it on my hand. I want to see it daily to remind me of the similarities of life and love, and the drastic differences, and how they both correlate with one another. I could talk about those two forever, but I'll spare you the sermon.
I had a sudden attack of conscience. This tattoo was the first original thought I had since I moved out to Maryland. Who was I? Had I really been so weak that I'd changed every single aspect of my life to appease those around me? I thought about everything. The music I was listening to, the people I was around. Even the show's I watch and the clothes I wore were deplorable. I made fun of people who wore regular fit jeans, and there I was. I'd pay more attention to what shoes a person was wearing than what the person was saying. I hated those types of people, and I'd become that exact person. The man who had more money than taste. Who cared more about the appearance of the person than the person themselves.
I'd paid hundreds of dollars for clothes I hated, and hours listening to music i abhored. Come the fuck on, Young Dro? The man raps about fruit.
I'd completely lost touch with James, but why? I felt like I had to prove something to my family members, my friends, and the one whom I felt got away. I spent so much time and put forth so much effort trying to be this new person, someone who'd be better than the man I was, when I didn't realize that all I needed to be was the same man who got the friends and girl, and whos family loved him.
I needed to tell my friends a quite sincere "fuck you", if they thought I'd abandoned them and refused to forgive me. A real friend is understanding and forgiving.
I needed to tell my family to be a bit more accepting of the fact that yes, i made a decision that they believed to be bad. And yes, what they said would happen, happened. But to chastise me and hold my decisions against me was not what I needed at that time. I needed help.
I needed to realize that I was single not because of something i wasnt doing, but because of something I did. Changing into another person wasn't going to bring the person back. It'd probably push them further away, which it did.

I had a conversation today with someone whom I care deeply about, and they were kind enough to call me on my shit. A real friend will call you on your shit. If someone is willing to sit back and watch you fail at anything, they're not your friend. I appreciate them saying something, even if it was out of pure distaste. If you're reading this and you have some shit to say to your friend but you're afraid of hurting their feelings, tell them right now about themselves. They may not like what you have to say, but if it's needed then speak up.
I'm taking tomorrow off. I need to spend some quality time with me. I'm gonna charge up the iPod and go to a park or somewhere downtown. Buy a notepad and write a bit. I need some time to myself, and I don't really know when I'll want to be bothered with another person.



If you read this blog and haven't commented on a single post, comment on this one. Fuck it, dont say anything. Just reflect on yourself and how you interact with everyone. Anyone you come into contact, via internet, work, phone, hell even the person behind the counter at subway making your Italian BMT. You affect everyone, and you may not know it. Pay attention as to how you treat others. Even though you may never see them again, they'll remember those kind words.

I edited this post about...2890 times, but never once did I change the title.

Coke anyone?

I just got it. I'm gonna be doing major shit now that I'll have the energy. They dont sell it in Maryland, so I had to send for em. 2 cases for the price of 1.



-dance

Made with 100% concentrated RAGE.

I saw this and squirted sprite out of my nose. This is hi-larry-us, simply frickin funny. Oh, and it's a real product. Click here for Brawndo.

I dont know what to say

I thought i was okay. I'm not.

The Face Biters Movie of the month - Color Purple

The Colour Purple starring Danny Glover, Oprah Winfrey, and Whoopi Goldberg. Nominated for almost a dozen Academy awards, including Best Picture. Whoopi Goldbergs oscar nod for Best Leading Actress, and Oprah for best supporting actress. This scene is by far my favourite scene in the movie.
Celie (Whoopi Goldberg) has decided to finally leave her abusive husband, "Mister" (Danny Glover) as called by everyone except his father, who refers to him by his name, Albert. Sofia (Oprah Winfrey) has been incarcerated for a lengthy period of time, and released into the custody of a white woman, further sentenced to be her maid. She's lost her will to exist and feels alienated from her family, and her children, whom she hasnt seen in years.

Oprahs acting in this scene is PHENOMENAL.
Definitely one of the most powerful scenes of the movie, and possibly one of the greatest monologues of all time.

Halloween Shmalloween

Cold fuckin turtle.

2 Girls 1 Cup

Oh this was just too funny.

Donnie Darko Rabbit. Dude scared all the kids, and a few adults too.

Lil Wayne? Wow. White girls, i tell ya.

The fools

Black McCain